PTSD

I am still suffering from PTSD- Post-traumatic stress disorder, after a brutally long dinner last night at Talia's Steakhouse (the word service simply did not exist) combined with a night of giving some of Teaneck's lovely ladies five hours worth of directions to Basil in Crown Heights.

I will have a full review on Talia's (brace yourself) tomorrow. In the interim, I will have a guest post on Sunflower Cafe in Lawrence shortly.

Please submit your guest reviews to thekoshercritic@gmail.com

After all, a second opinion can't hurt.

Mocha Bleu

I’ve been to Mocha Bleu over a dozen times the last few months. As many of you know, Mocha is a well-designed, trendy styled dairy restaurant, bakery, sushi etc. This is part of its success, yet also part of the problem.

I happen to love the place and think the food is great (service review below), but have spoken with numerous people that don’t agree. I fault them and not Mocha. The menu is way too long and people just don’t know what to order, so they experiment with randomly selected items that sound good.  People, if you don’t know what something is, ASK.

I, on the other hand, go for one of several pizzas (I like the fake meat ones) the sushi sandwich (best sushi in town) and the onion rings (second only to Noah’s Ark). On a related side point, there’s an onion ring problem in the neighborhood – too many places serve Kineret like you’re in a school cafeteria.

The rugelach are great, but for some asinine reason, the bakery closes before the restaurant does, so they rush you through dessert. How hard is it for the server to grab me a few rugies or a piece of cake?

The place is very clean and outside dining area is great.

Service – Katilin is the best waitress in town and its only a matter of time before she gets hired to go work for a customer (I know a little about that having gotten my first career job that way). But, the maitre’de on Saturday night constantly reminds people that there is a minimum charge, like I’m at some club.  Stop that. The food does come out very quickly thankfully.

All in all, it’s a great place to recommend to people coming from out of town, or to meet someone. You won’t be embarrassed by the bathroom and will be impressed by the presentation.

In conclusion, it’s costly, but worth it if you know what you want.

Mocha Bleu – 1399 Queen Anne Road – 201-837-2538  www. Mochableu.com

Sammy's Bagels

One of the best parts of a Jewish family gathering is the morning-after Bagel breakfast. So, when my cousins from Israel came this past week, I decided to go to Sammys early on Thursday to pick up bagels. It’s especially important to show the Israelis what an American bagel is, as most Israeli bagels are not boiled in a kettle, but baked in a proof box then an oven.

Most people will agree that Sammys has great bagels. The service is pretty good as well, but that’s where it stops.

For starters, the place is filthy. Dust hanging from the lights and water stained and swollen sheet rock occupies most of the ceiling.  The displays and counters were poorly designed for front of the house use, and as such, they are broken, beat up and falling apart. I will not comment on the bathroom because children may be reading this.

Lastly, overall design is just plain poor. In order to get to the few seats we are lucky to have in the back, you need to walk the gauntlet of people that are already stuck between the oversized reach in fridges and the counter. Reminds me of the Tailhook scandal.

Overall- the food is there- the rest leaves way too much to be desired. This is not hard to fix. There just seems to be ZERO desire to do it.

As a side point, all of the above applies to Poppys- good food, filthy place. But, at least there is a spacious amount of seating area

(PS- I went to Sammys Sunday morning again- got there 6:55am- place was pitch black and locked down. Poppys was open).

Next review – Mocha Bleu. Hit it up Saturday night for a meeting and Sunday with the family…..

Shalom Bombay Says Shalom to Teaneck

(kk note- the NYC location is packed for lunch with a great lunch special)

June 24, 2011

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

We at Shalom Bombay of Teaneck would like to take the opportunity to thank the many loyal patrons in Bergen County and its surrounding areas. It has been our pleasure to serve you for the last 2 1/2 years. The enthusiasm about our first location has also led to the great success of our second location, opened almost 1 year ago in Manhattan.At this time, we have chosen to accept a buyout offer. The former proprietor of our location expressed an interest in reacquiring it and we felt that it was the most prudent path for us to take. He will be operating the Teaneck restaurant under a different name, not associated with Shalom Bombay or the RCBC.

We will now have the opportunity to focus on the Manhattan location and help it on its continued path of growth and popularity. We will also be focusing our efforts on expanding our catering business (weddings, Kiddushes, dinner events, Bar-Mitzvahs) with our unique but versatile cuisine options.

The people of North Jersey are quite discerning foodies with an array of local Kosher options. Shalom Bombay Manhattan will still be that appealing destination for special times spent in the city as well as for the many professionals who work and do business in Manhattan and like to enjoy mouthwatering Indian food for a great value lunch.

Any outstanding coupons and gift certificates will be honored at the Manhattan location. The last day of operations as Shalom Bombay of Teaneck will be Sunday, June 26, 2011.

We look forward to continuing to serve you and cater to all your needs.

Alan Cohnen, Debbie Siegler

Shalom Bombay Teaneck

About Shalom Bombay

Shalom Bombay Restaurant is the first authentic Glatt Kosher meat Indian cuisine in the Country. Shalom Bombay NY is located at 344 Lexington Avenue in the Murray Hill section of Manhattan and is currently certified by OUKosher. Shalom Bombay opened its first location in Teaneck, NJ in November 2008 and added the NY location in 2010. Shalom Bombay is open for a lunch buffet daily from 12-3 and opens again for dinner at 5PM, serving Indian favorites like Chicken Tikka Masala, Lamb Bryani and an array of vegetarian dishes, desserts, beers and wines. They provide take out, catering, delivery, and sit down dining services. Reservations and orders can be requested at

212-922-0224.

Visit on the web at

http://www.shalombombay.com/indexNYC.htmFor more information please contact Michael Szpilzinger at tpifrest@gmail.com --

BumbleBerry Yogurt

People have asked me why I started this blog. As many of you know, over the last few months, there has been a sharp decline in the service department of Teaneck’s Restaurants. Poor quality, quantity, consistency and cleanliness are just a few of the examples. I'd like to say that if just one restaurant cleans its bathrooms as a result of this blog, I’ve served my purpose.

Last month, on a Saturday night, I was working in my office and was dying for some orange sorbet. Many of you have been to BumbleBerry and know the product, so you can understand how I was looking forward to it after a long 80-degree, 200% humidity shabbos. I arrived at 12:45am to find them closed, even though their posted closing time was 2 AM. The employees claimed “the manager said we can close early since it’s a slow night.” What crap. The posted hours are the hours. I still remember Shelly’s closing time being 9:30pm, and YOU DO NOT, upon threat of death or deportation, turn off the outside sign (switch 32 if I remember correctly from 1995) until 9:30 sharp. We used to count down the seconds.

Flash forward a month to last night when I found myself in my office at 10:25pm in the mood for the same orange sorbet. I called them and they said they were just about to close (10:30pm). I was feeling lucky and asked “Ben” to make me a cup and put it on the side. Sure enough, he actually did, and I got there ten minutes after closing. I can only imagine what they would have said if this were some other restaurant (Pizza Crave would have just hung up the phone on me).

So… I start the blog, and I’ve had some good experiences so far. Progress?

Not sure what tomorrow night will bring. Real Estate broker party in the city, but I  think I may skip it. Any suggestions for dinner?

BumbleBerry Yogurt

1445 Queen Anne Road
Teaneck, NJ 07666
(201) 357-4220

Ima Restaurant

With all the controversy that existed when Ima’s first opened (kashrut, fights with mashgiach etc) I’m surprised I didn’t go sooner. Frankly I see no need for another Israeli style place. Mabat is hands down a slam-dunk meal after meal year after year (if you like being the only person that’s not from Monsey in the place) and Royal Persian Grill is one of Teaneck’s hidden treasures (if you never tried Zatar pita I suggest you go tonight). There is also talk, and visible construction, of a Hamsah opening next to EJs Pizza (why people?).

The place was very clean (including the bathrooms, the telltale sign of a clean store- if unsure what I mean go to Pizza Crave) and the service was by far one of the best in Teaneck (poached from Mocha Bleu).

The menu was a little different from Royal Persian and Mabat- for starters they had specials. The also had a much better line of soups (beef dumplings- AKA Kubeh Matfunie, Chamusta and Shwanderia) but they were lacking in a choice of skewers (none).

Appies were mostly salads, but who needs fried cigars and pastels anyways.

Most importantly, there was no schwarma. Nothing beats a mixed grill plate in chumus with schwarma, followed by a visit to your cardiologist.

Lastly, like its competitors, the dessert offerings were lacking- who wants to eat Baklava or some other dried cement. I’ve been to Israel plenty, yet all three Teaneck stores have the same crap dessert. There are more choices in that country. Bring it over people.

To summarize, it was very different from Royal Persian and Mabat, but with no Zatar bread or Schwarma, I probably wouldn’t go back.

445 Cedar Lane, Teaneck- 201-357-5789- www.imarestaurant.com

Online Coupon Sites

No matter how little money or how much money you have, a Jewish person loves a deal. The kosher food industry has been rocking online kosher coupon sites. So no matter how much or how little you spend, sign up! If you don't like the email, push delete. Its free. There are a few that I know about: Kosher Kouponz is my favorite (kosherkouponz.com). There are almost daily deals, which is rule #1 in that industry. The market penetration is great- NJ, NYC, The boro's, and they even started LA. My favorite so far is Ariels of Englewood-$20 for $40. Groupon- the most popular nationally, lacks slightly in the kosher world. Their best so far is a sick deal- $75 for a four course meal for TWO, with WINE at Talias Steakhouse. Yes, I know, its Talias, where the service can be lacking and the food mediocre (and who can forget the health department issue from a few years back) but nothing like a bottle of Cab to let those small issues be forgotten (and the drunks and gangbanger wannabees yelling as they walk up Amsterdam to the projects always make for an entertaining al fresca meal) Living Social- good nyc massage and pedicure deals (which I love) but not much kosher food on the sire Suburban Momma- ETC Steakhouse has a great deal on this site- $25 for $50. Hands down a solid deal Jewpon- great name but lacking a product The key is to calendar the expiration dates and make sure you use them. Otherwise you've wasted more than you've saved. I've loaded up my inventory of coupons, so get ready for some reviews. Time to go jogging to work off those meals.

Welcome to The Kosher Kritic

So "kosher kritic" was taken (though not blogged since 2009) but I loved the name, so "The Kosher Kritic" it is!

I always wanted to be a food critic. Probably because I am a whiner by nature, but also based on my life experiences. I spent ten years, from age 14 until age 24 toiling in the food industry, either part time of full. But part time in the food business is a full time job, and full time is a french frie short of slavery.

As my real estate consulting career took off thank god, I always found that food was the best way to a Jewish persons soul, mind, body , wallet, and, well just about anything. Wednesday night staff dinners at La' Marais or Abigael's built a team spirit. And the bottom line, as well as my waist line proved my theory right.

Dinner with friends was always an issue since I liked to order the appys for the table. Why experiment with some crap when I knew the popcorn chicken or the sausage sampler was the way to go? I got the nasty comments, but usually the "this was great" after.

Then the children got older, and I discovered that many places in Teaneck need to really step up their game. The two places I spent most of my childhood working was Bubbas Bagels and Noah's Ark, and I learnt much from Hal Roth and Noam Sokolow. Customer service was key. The customer was always right, and you strived to make them happy. Yet somehow Teaneck eateries seem to be in business to make a buck, and a buck only. What they don't realize is that it will only be a quick buck. Because the customer never forgets.

So as life requires me to eat out often, I will use this blog to share my experiences. Comment with yours or guest post by emailing me at thekosherkritic@gmail.com